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<v ->Everyone wants to know the story about the Queen.</v>

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So the story about the Queen is,

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I'd been told that I was only going to get five minutes,

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because they were giving all these younger,

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untried photographers a shot at taking photos of the Queen.

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The remit was, we only got five minutes.

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And I had said, right from the beginning,

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could I bring in my own backdrops?

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And they'd said yes.

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So I took in the gold sparkly background,

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which I'd seen the fabric in an Anne Summers shop window.

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And then a friend of mine, Martin Grant,

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the fashion designer, had suggested

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the famous Marimekko fabric.

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We go in, we've got a truck, we've got all this equipment.

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And we set up two cameras, two backdrops,

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one in front of the other.

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The minder came in and I was given this protocol.

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I could curtsy see when she walked in,

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but I didn't have to.

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I could bow when she walked in, but I didn't have to.

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And I should call her ma'am.

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Spam ham was how I was to remember ma'am,

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because I said, "No, surely it's 'marm'."

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"No, it's ma'am."

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So I went, okay.

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And then they said, "And you need to talk her through

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what you're going to do."

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I went, okay.

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And I said to him, "When are you going to start

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counting the five minutes?"

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"When she gets in front of the camera."

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I go, okay.

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So she walks in.

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All of a sudden I see this woman,

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who's a lot more petite than I'd imagined,

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a lot more beautiful than I'd imagined,

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a lot richer than I'd imagined,

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a lot looking very glamorous.

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And all of a sudden

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I completely,

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I couldn't talk, I couldn't remember anything.

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I went into auto, but the problem was,

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I'd been given so many options

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of what that autopilot might look like.

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And I hadn't picked, thought any of them through,

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or which one I was.

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So I was lost in this sea of choices

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and quick thinking that, but I couldn't think.

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And completely overwhelmed that all of a sudden,

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there's this, the Queenie's there.

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I went and shook her hand.

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I then stepped back.

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And rather than curtsying, I did what I call

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the Australian squat, which was, I just bent my knees.

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So I looked like a total idiot at this point.

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I introduced everyone, I got that bit right.

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And then I went into this,

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finally when I found my voice,

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I'm just babbling on.

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But she was in a hurry, she had been, she was late.

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She had to go and host a lunch.

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She just wanted to get that.

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And I'd been told she doesn't really

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like being photographed.

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So she just wanted to get it over and done with.

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Well, I talked, and I talked, and I talked,

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and she's moving closer to the point of

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where she needs to be.

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And she's in front of the camera, and I'm still talking.

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And then all of a sudden, the minder calls, "Two minutes!"

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And I hadn't taken one roll of film.

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So he completely stitched me up.

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Rather than saying, I'm going to start counting now,

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because he'd said to me, but I hadn't taken any pictures.

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Because he'd also told me

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that I had to tell her what I was going to do.

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So I had three minutes.

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And then I just went into total panic.

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Took one roll.

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The camera was even off kilter, like it was a mess.

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And at one point I needed to step to the left,

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and I couldn't think of left.

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So I was down on my hands and knees

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trying to grab her ankles.

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Luckily my husband stepped in and said, "No, ma'am,

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Polly means step to the left", grabbed me,

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and got me back behind the camera.

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The whole thing was just a total joke.

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One roll, and I thought (beep),

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I better go to the other, he called four minutes

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or something and I'm like, oh my God.

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So then we do the next set up,

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and then she sees the floral background.

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She's fine with the sparkly gold,

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because it was golden jubilee.

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And she goes, "ooh!", like that.

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And also the ring flash was super bright,

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so by the time she left, she said,

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"Oh, I think you've blinded me."

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And she walked out the door.

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Apparently Prince Phillip had been in there the whole time.

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I didn't even see him.

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That's how disassociated from the experience I was.

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And it's a miracle that I got two good photos, miracle.

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And that really was the end of my portrait career.

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Interestingly, even though it was probably the pinnacle,

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it was almost like, well, I've done that,

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and I don't really need to keep doing that.

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So yeah, that's the story of the Queen.

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And luckily, I got two pictures out of it.

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So that's good, yeah.

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(bright music)