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- Victims are not weak.

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Victims have strength.

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They're not in the position they're in because they're less

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of a person.

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In fact, they have enormous strength and resilience

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because they use it every day.

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I learned quite quickly in preparation

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of the inquiry into Luke's death and the criminal inquiry

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that there was only one person

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that was responsible and that was Greg

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and that I was a loving, caring, protecting mother,

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I could never, ever, ever perceive that was possible,

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that he would have planned and indeed done such a thing.

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And I think people need to understand that

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when you have a child, no one loves that child

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more than you, you would do anything

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and there are some things you could say,

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where you could point the blame and say,

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"If they'd have done this, that wouldn't have happened,"

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but ultimately, it's a waste of...

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It's a waste of time, because everyone is doing the best

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that they think at the time.

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The training and understanding of family violence

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and the risks is really poor.

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You have got choices

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and I have been able to...

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Channel my grief...

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In a way that I hope makes a difference in...

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In society.

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And we do not talk about grief.

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We do not talk about grief, we don't know

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what it looks like.

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They would expect you to be comatose

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in a shrouded room

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with the lights,

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never facing it public.

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I...

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Don't know why I didn't choose that path,

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because it would have been incredibly easy.

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I think...

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At the time, you're so...

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Used to fighting that you just know

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you've got to keep fighting

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and it would've been, I felt if I let myself

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sink into that abyss,

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I would have never come out of it.

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I still feel like that.

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Because...

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You know, you don't recover.

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And then people talk to you about grief

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and you know, people will share their grief

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and tragedy and they'll say,

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"You never get over it."

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And I think I have got a prison sentence.

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And sometimes it is too hard to keep going,

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but you do.

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I don't profess to be anything other than

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a vulnerable person that is still struggling with grief.

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It affects my judgement , it affects my ability

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to deal with pressure and stress and things like that,

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but I'm human.

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People don't always see that side because you're putting on

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a brave face for whatever message you're delivering

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or what you're talking about.

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It doesn't mean that other people don't see it

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or experience it or...

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Understand that.

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I think it's interesting, isn't it.

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It's not uniquely Australian as we know.

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It is everywhere.

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And I think we're just very conditioned.

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We're very conditioned.

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Family violence was always something

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like a lot of family trauma.

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You keep quiet.

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In the past, media didn't even communicate

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the stories particularly and when they do,

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they don't do a very good job of it.

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So we are seeing definite changes and improvements,

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but it is a big question.

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Why have we not recognised before now,

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as a very lucky, privileged, progressive country,

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but we do have an underbelly.

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We've got to understand that this is...

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Something that we all play a part in

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as a community where we condemn violence of any kind

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and there is never an excuse.

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Ultimately violence is a choice

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and it is based on power and control.

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- We switched?

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- Yeah.
I'll be ready in one sec.

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- He was a little boy in a grown body...

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That felt pain and sadness

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and fear for his mom.

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And he always believed he would be safe with his dad.

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And he would have trusted Greg.

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I'm here right now because

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I know you have a job to do

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and I want to tell everybody

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that family violence happens to everybody

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no matter how nice your house is, how...

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Intelligent you are.

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It happens to anyone and everyone.

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And this has been an 11-year battle.

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Well, I think that that certainly has been

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what has really astonished people and caught their attention

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and without any doubt at all, that's what really helped

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raise the awareness of family violence and gave me

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an opportunity even though I didn't...

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Realise what is was at the time

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to be able to be heard and make some...

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Shift in change.

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And you know, when I went out to the media,

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it really was in defiance.

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That my friends were actually going to go out

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and tell the media could they please leave

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because in respect our privacy, et cetera,

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because that's what you do in the movies

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and that's what we think you're supposed to do.

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And I don't know why, I know that I was...

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It's hard to describe the condition you're in

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when something like this happens

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because you are conscious, but...

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But you seem to come in and out of some kind

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of awareness thing.

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You're not of yourself, really.

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I just heard them talking and I thought,

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"If anyone's going to tell them to go away,

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"it's going to be me."

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I have no idea why I would think that or even feel

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that strongly quite frankly, but I did.

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So I just went out with the intention of asking

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them out of respect

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to go.

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And how it...

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Changed to be...

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Me talking...

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Was something I hadn't planned.

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And I had certainly no idea or script of what

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I was going to say.

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And I was...

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Have constantly been surprised since

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that people have...

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Been so amazed at that particular thing that I did.

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I also, I don't like to remain bitter or angry and...

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Say hurtful, horrible things,

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because I felt it's just lowers you to...

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It lowers you and you need to rise above

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and be that better person,

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so I think, you know, I was...

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It's astonished people too that I didn't say anything...

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Hateful about Greg.

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I just chose to speak how I...

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Carefully I guess about...

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Not speaking in a disrespectful way about him

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even though I was entitled to do

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and everyone would have expected me to do that,

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but ultimately we all just do the best we can

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and it's situations like that,

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you know, you shouldn't be judged

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cause it's really that you wouldn't want anyone

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to find themselves in that situation of

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having to deal with such a traumatic event.

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Obviously now that I'm considered

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a key spokesperson in this area,

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I will now have a,

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I'm recognised wherever I go it seems.

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I know that a lot of people have their opinion

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and you can't, not everyone will understand

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and not everyone will like what you've done,

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but I have to say I...

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I get very, very touched when children make contact

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with the foundation

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and want to do a project on me

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and share some insights

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and I've just found that's incredibly...

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Moving actually.

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I've not had a portrait photograph taken like that,

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it's not like a family snapshot type.

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It shows me I think in a strong manner.

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I think it reflect me in a way that I haven't seen before.

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Nikki's a warm, lovely person

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and think that she's an incredible photographer to do that.

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The portrait captures some part of me

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that lets you realise that...

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There's a sadness that probably will never go away,

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but through that sadness there's an awful lot

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of good things.

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I think I feel pleased to think that...

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I may be able to get people to think differently about

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women or children or anybody experiencing violence.

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I hope that I've been able to perhaps

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show some feelings around grief that also people

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who have loss

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and struggle and suffer with tragedy that there isn't

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a particular way of handling something.

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We just do the best we can

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and it's not something you just get over and get on with

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and we really need to talk about grief and our own fears

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and stop judging people.

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If I'm able to give strength to some people,

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which it seems that I do,

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well that's great, because it's not an easy word

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and no one would ever say it is, but if people get strength

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from seeing my strength, I think that's an amazing thing

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I can give back.

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Give people hope, give people strength,

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help them to understand that they're not alone

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and that there are many, many other people

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feeling and experiencing very, very difficult

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and challenging things.

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(soft music)